To be fair...

I live in Denver - Stapleton to be precise. I grew up in South Florida but spent my formative years (18-29) in Chicago. I'm a lawyer and a mom to Lila, born in September, 2011. Bella and Beans are my dogs and my sunshine. I like CrossFit, yoga, reading, and Civilization V.

P just texted me that a friend of his from high school named his daughter Graeme. As in, an affectedly British spelling of Graham. What a world!

I’m loving the confused reblogs of my Renee Zellweger post.

Did y’all see this? This is Renee Zellweger. I can’t even identify the surgeries that took place to cause this. (Part of the problem is the hair, which looks way too much like my hair looks right now.)

Did y’all see this? This is Renee Zellweger. I can’t even identify the surgeries that took place to cause this. (Part of the problem is the hair, which looks way too much like my hair looks right now.)

It looks like the weather is actually going to hold long enough for us to get our house painted. Now we just have to finalize our color selection.

That stupid breastfeeding post reminds me of my current fight with my SIL. “It’s my opinion you’re a terrible person with an awful personality and you can’t get mad because it’s just my opinion that I’m putting it out there.” FYI, millennials, you’re allowed to keep hateful opinions to yourself. Just because a shitty thought crosses your mind doesn’t mean you need to express it to others.

bricksandmortarandchewinggum:

itsliketheyknowus:

"My child never responds to the nasal aspirator like a panicked feral animal. Deep down in her baby brain she knows that Mommy is trying to help. I enjoy sucking snot out of her face."

Ha. My sister in law was just saying she used this. 

bricksandmortarandchewinggum, you have to get one. When he gets his first cold, you’re going to need it. He will hate it while it’s happening, but then he will be able to breathe and thus sleep. Otherwise they just scream all fucking night. This is especially important because when he gets a cold, you will more than likely get one too and it is MISERABLE. I am an evangelist for the nasal aspirator. Now that Lila is three but not quite coordinated enough to blow her nose, she requests it.

bricksandmortarandchewinggum:

itsliketheyknowus:

"My child never responds to the nasal aspirator like a panicked feral animal. Deep down in her baby brain she knows that Mommy is trying to help. I enjoy sucking snot out of her face."

Ha. My sister in law was just saying she used this. 

bricksandmortarandchewinggum, you have to get one. When he gets his first cold, you’re going to need it. He will hate it while it’s happening, but then he will be able to breathe and thus sleep. Otherwise they just scream all fucking night. This is especially important because when he gets a cold, you will more than likely get one too and it is MISERABLE. I am an evangelist for the nasal aspirator. Now that Lila is three but not quite coordinated enough to blow her nose, she requests it.

My family feud has devolved to where I just told my brother in all seriousness that I love him and am going to miss him. His wife is such a cunt.

I’m in a massive fight with my brother and my SIL because, according to her, I’m the meanest person on the planet.